I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Randomize
