Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
Randomize
