I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Randomize
