i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
