my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
