Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize