You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
