I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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