My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
