I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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