we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
