The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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