There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
