im drinking this country out of the recession.
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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