so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
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