I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
