Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Randomize
