He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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