i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Randomize
