This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize
