it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
