Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
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