theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
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