i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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