Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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