he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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