I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
