Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
