I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
Randomize
