While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Randomize
