Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
This gyro tastes like lonliness
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
