Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
