did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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