and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
