i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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