so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
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