I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
