Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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