never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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