If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize