who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
