That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I got her a Nickelback box set.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
