I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
