he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
