I'm so fucking centered right now
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You ruined the universe
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
