I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
