I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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