Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We had sex on a dog bed..
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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