I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
