My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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