We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You're a waste of cheezeits
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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