My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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