It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize