Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Randomize
