capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
This is what we get for YOLOing our way to obesity
We have started to decorate penises.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
