Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
