I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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