If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
