I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
