I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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