Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
Randomize
