ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Welp...herpes.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
