Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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