I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Randomize
