I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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