Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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