So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Randomize
