Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize