i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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