I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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