NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Randomize
