He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
She even gives head with a lisp.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
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