I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
