you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
