How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
Randomize
