I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize