I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
