Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
