so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Randomize
