My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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