She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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