I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
