My boss' voice literally gives me gas
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
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