Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
