Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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