This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
