I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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