my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
Randomize
