it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Randomize
