where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
it's too hot outside to masturbate.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
