I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
