Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
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