i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Randomize
