Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
