I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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