He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Randomize
