Porn is love you can see.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
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