My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
