Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Rumble strips road head = magical
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Randomize